Student Agency

At St. Paul’s, we believe that the student should be at the center of every conversation about their learning and growth. Traditional conferences often position adults as the primary participants, discussing a student’s strengths and challenges while the student remains a passive observer. While well-intentioned, this approach can leave students without a clear understanding of their progress or ownership over their next steps.

Student-led conferences are designed to create a different experience. Through ongoing reflection, students examine their academic habits, learning strategies, character development, relationships, and personal goals. They consider what is working, where they are growing, and what challenges they still need to address.

Drawing on their own reflections alongside feedback from teachers and families, students create a comprehensive picture of their progress and identify meaningful goals for continued growth. During the conference, students share their learning journey, celebrate successes, discuss challenges honestly, and present a plan for moving forward.

Parents and teachers serve as partners in this process by asking thoughtful questions, offering feedback, and helping students identify the support and accountability needed to achieve their goals. The result is a conference that develops self-awareness, responsibility, and agency while ensuring that every student leaves with a clear understanding of their strengths, areas for growth, and concrete next steps.

At St. Paul’s, student-led conferences are not simply a report on learning—they are an opportunity for students to take ownership of their growth and become active participants in shaping their future.
 

Recently an eighth-grade student I was supporting used a familiar phrase as she reflected on a conflict with a fellow student: “I want him to get in trouble.” Trouble is what we have been taught to think about when we think about discipline in school - not accountability, not responsibility, not resolution, but trouble.  “Trouble” is rooted in a system of punitive justice that people have been trained to believe produces some sense of accountability and deterrence. But “trouble” does nothing to resolve or prevent behavioral challenges and interpersonal conflicts - rather it reinforces adversarial situations by assigning blame and guilt without imagining a future beyond them. “Getting in trouble” does not help children take responsibility for their impact or restore a sense of safety or belonging to others. 

Reframing trouble is not just for kids; it's also for parents. Often the parent of a student who does harm to someone else wants a restorative process. However, when I'm speaking to a parent of a kid who was harmed, they fall back on the ideas about discipline that we all grew up with, and think, “How are they paying for this? How are they in trouble for what they did?” My challenge as a Director of Student Life is to get parents and students to understand that trouble does not support resolution or personal growth. We need to reframe disciplinary practices to support our comprehensive goals for our students: accountability for one's actions, responsibility to the community, restoration of feelings of respect and belonging, and transformation of circumstances for all students in the community. 

Discipline is not a dirty word - it is an opportunity to support students in their understanding of themselves and others, an opportunity to strengthen community, and an opportunity to add to students’ toolbox. In life, conflict is inevitable; a school’s disciplinary practices help students take responsibility for their impact and be confident advocates for themselves and others in the future.

At St. Paul’s, asking for help is encouraged—but telling an adult about a conflict is not a way to avoid the work of resolving it. Instead, it is the first step in a restorative process.

When a student brings a concern about a peer to an adult, they are making a contract for a process that includes reflection, perspective-taking, and conversation. Students are asked to consider the outcome they hope to achieve, the role they played in the situation, and how the other person may have experienced the conflict.

With the support of an adult facilitator, students participate in a structured conversation where they speak honestly, listen actively, clarify understanding, and work together toward a solution. The adult's role is to guide the process, maintain balance, and ensure psychological and emotional safety; the students' role is to lead the conversation.

We believe that conflict resolution is a skill that must be practiced. By taking ownership of difficult conversations, students learn empathy, accountability, communication, and the tools needed to build healthy relationships throughout their lives. With this approach, we end the practice of telling and start the practice of eliciting support to intentionally restore hurt feelings and ultimately, relationships!